Adjusting to surgical menopause takes time — emotionally as well as physically. Whatever you are feeling right now, you are not alone and support is available.
| On this page: What you might experience Grief & fertility loss Your body & your identity The wider picture You don’t have to do this alone |
What you might experience
Hormonal changes after surgery can directly affect your mood, energy, and sense of self. Many women describe feeling unlike themselves for a period after surgery — this is a recognised and treatable effect of sudden hormone loss, not a sign that something is permanently wrong. Common experiences include low mood or anxiety, grief over changes or fertility loss, feeling disconnected from your body, irritability or emotional sensitivity, and loneliness or a sense of isolation. With the right support and treatment, most women find their emotional footing again.
| Women with autism, ADHD, PMDD, or a history of anxiety or depression may be more sensitive to hormonal changes. Let your clinical team know your full history so your care can be tailored to your needs. |
Grief & fertility loss
If the loss of fertility is something you are grieving, know that this is completely understandable — and more common than you might think. Fertility is connected to identity and possibility in ways that go beyond whether or not you planned to have children. This kind of grief deserves to be acknowledged.
For those who have not had the chance to become mothers, the sudden loss of fertility can evoke deep, complicated grief. This loss is not just about biology; it’s also about dreams, identity, and a life narrative that may now feel incomplete or disrupted. Some may mourn the children they will never have, the parenting role they’ll never experience, or the absence of a connection to future generations.
Others may grieve the loss of the possibility to have more children – especially if they imagined expanding their families. Even individuals who were not actively planning to have children may still feel a sense of mourning over the sudden and premature end of their reproductive years. Fertility is often closely tied to ideas of youth, vitality, womanhood, and future potential – and its abrupt loss can leave a profound emotional impact.
This kind of grief is sometimes invisible or unrecognised – what’s called disenfranchised grief. Because society often doesn’t fully acknowledge the emotional weight of infertility (particularly in cases where there was no current desire for children), individuals may feel isolated or invalidated in their pain.
Many women find real comfort in connecting with others who share this experience, including communities built around living without children due to medical or circumstantial reasons. These groups often use terms like Childless Not by Choice (CNBC) or Childless by Circumstance. They can provide a safe, understanding space to process this loss and begin to reshape your sense of self and future.
Your body & your identity
It is normal to need time to adjust to a changed body and a changed hormonal landscape. Many women describe a gradual process of rediscovering themselves — finding a new relationship with their body and a renewed sense of who they are.
The physical alterations that accompany surgical procedures – such as the presence of scars, changes in body shape, or limitations in mobility or energy – can lead to a sense of loss regarding our previous self-image. Some may struggle to redefine their identity in light of these alterations. This process can be especially difficult for those experiencing surgical menopause, as it often marks a significant transition in both physical and emotional health.
The abrupt hormonal changes that come with surgical menopause can exacerbate feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and confusion about one’s identity. Surgical menopause can be a life-changing experience, often filled with emotional turmoil and physical discomfort.
Recognising the need for support is essential; connecting with healthcare professionals, support groups, or counselling services can provide a safe space to express our feelings and learn coping strategies.
The journey of developing a healthy body image and a positive sense of identity often requires a shift in focus, from the body’s appearance to an appreciation of its function, strength, resilience, and adaptability. This perspective can be liberating, as it allows us to value our bodies for more than just aesthetics. Engaging in activities that promote body awareness – such as mindfulness, gentle movement, creative expression, and working with a supportive therapist are all approaches that can help with this process.
The wider picture
Surgical menopause can affect relationships, work, finances, and your sense of purpose — but many women find that with the right support they not only adapt but grow. Understanding that these wider life changes are connected to your surgery, and not personal failings, is an important and liberating realisation.
You don’t have to do this alone
Coping with the challenges of surgical menopause can feel overwhelming, especially when the change is sudden or medically complex. But with the right support and treatment, it’s possible to adapt – and even thrive – in this new phase of life.
Support networks
Support from friends, whānau, and community groups plays a vital role in this process. Sharing experiences with others who’ve faced similar challenges can offer validation, encouragement, and practical advice. Peer support – such as our private NZ-based group – can be a powerful reminder that you’re not alone.
Professional & mental health support
Healthcare providers who specialise in menopause management can offer expert guidance on symptom relief, hormone treatment options, and lifestyle modifications that improve overall wellbeing. You can browse our directory to find providers who may be able to help.
Mental health professionals can support you in navigating emotional challenges such as anxiety, mood shifts, body image changes, or identity transitions. Some people also experience trauma responses triggered by medical events—especially when care has been distressing or disempowering.
In these cases, therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) can be helpful for processing and healing from difficult experiences. You can find a qualified therapist via the EMDRNZ website.
If cost is a concern, you may be eligible for funded counselling through the Primary Mental Health Intervention Service (PRIMHIS) initiative. This often provides access to up to six free sessions, available via your GP. Social services or health improvement practitioners may also be able to help with life changes linked to your health and wellbeing. If you have private insurance or the financial means, you might also consider accessing a private practitioner in your area.
Condition-specific support
If your surgery is related to a specific health condition – such as endometriosis, cancer, genetic risk, or other chronic conditions – you may be able to access additional support through your treatment team or relevant organisations. For example, oncology departments and the Cancer Society often provide practical assistance and counselling for those undergoing cancer-related care. Similarly, condition-specific organisations may offer tailored resources, peer support, or advocacy. You can explore a list of these in our Online Resources section.
Holistic & self-care approaches
Mind–body practices such as mindfulness, yoga, gentle movement, journaling, or simply spending time in nature can offer grounding and clarity. Building your own self-care toolkit – whatever that looks like for you – can help foster a sense of control and self-trust. Try tracking your symptoms, noting what helps, and advocating for the care you need.
| Be patient and kind to yourself. Your recovery — physical and emotional — will unfold in its own time. Building a support network that reflects your individual needs and values is one of the best investments you can make in your own wellbeing. |
References
Pearce G, Thøgersen-Ntoumani C, Duda JL, McKenna J. Changing Bodies: Experiences of Women Who Have Undergone a Surgically Induced Menopause. Qualitative Health Research. 2014;24(6):738-748.
Surgical Menopause New Zealand Trust 